


it's not gay until you say it is

by greatwonfidence



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: M/M, there's no hot tub actually i'm lying, two bros chilling in a hot tub making out cause they might be gay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 11:59:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11147946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greatwonfidence/pseuds/greatwonfidence
Summary: "Odds are you try and get Chris to have sex with you. If he agrees to, then - surprise! - he's gay." He looks at Ryan with frightening seriousness. "If you're so confident that he'll say no, it shouldn't be an issue."





	it's not gay until you say it is

Matty boy (10:05pm)  
_Dude did you go home already?_

Ryan squints at his phone in the dim lighting and types out a response with one hand.

Me (10:06 pm)  
_No? I'm in the recording room_

Matty boy (10:08 pm)  
_Oh. Working?_

Me (10:09 pm)  
_Nah just hanging out_

He puts his phone down on the coffee table, knowing Matt's finished editing and would be on his way to the room. On top of him, Chris nuzzles against his chest in his sleep, exhaling quietly. Ryan smiles and continues threading his fingers through Chris's recently-cut hair. He thinks, not for the first time that day, how much he likes it when the other man leaves his dumb beanie at home. Sure, his hair looks messy, but there's something endearing about it.

He's lost in thought as Matt comes in the room quietly and sneaks up behind the couch. With both hands, he shoves against the back, nearly throwing both of them off. He bursts into laughter when Chris jolts awake with a yelp.

"Matt! You fucker." Ryan smacks his hand and laughs too, despite himself. Chris rubs his face sleepily and moves off of Ryan to sit on the next couch cushion.

"You riding with us, lovebird?" Matt asks. Ryan shoots him an annoyed look and Chris shakes his head.

"Arin's driving me later on. 'M just napping till then."

"Alright. You ready, Ryan?"

"Yeah. Good night, babe." He grabs his phone and then he and Chris share a kiss. Not just a peck; one that lasts several seconds. Matt stares in shock. Ryan stands.

"Byyyeeee." Chris says, waving, then lays back down where Ryan was. Matt opens his mouth, but draws a blank for anything to say and quickly shuts it.

"You coming?" Ryan asks from the door. Matt blinks and nods, jogging to catch up.

They play rock-paper-scissors in the parking lot for who has to drive home. Matt groans as he starts the car and Ryan settles comfortably into the passenger seat.

They drive in silence for a few miles. At a red light, Matt turns to Ryan, who's typing rapidly on his phone.

"So you guys official yet?" he asks. Ryan's expression doesn't change.

"No, _again._ We're not gonna date, dude."

"You fucking- you just kissed!" Matt throws his hands up. "I'm so confused, Ryan, you guys go out on dates all the time, and you hold hands, and you kiss, and you're both single - why the hell aren't you dating?"

"Matt."

"Are you just too scared to ask? Do you think he might not like you?"

_"Matt."_

"Cause I really, really think he likes you, dude. Like it's not even debata-"

_"Matt!"_

"What?!"

"I'm. Not. Gay."

Matt closes his eyes and lays his head on the wheel. Ryan watches the car in front of them go.

"The light's green, buddy."

"What do you MEAN you're 'not gay'?" The car behind them honks.

"Fucking- drive, Matt." Matt reluctantly steps on the gas again. "I'm just? Not? And Chris isn't either. We're just really close."

"Chris isn't gay either." Matt repeats patronizingly.

"Yeah."

"Hm."

They don't say anything the rest of the ride, until they pull into their parking space at the apartment complex. Matt turns the car off and before Ryan can climb out, Matt grabs his forearm.

"Odds are," he says, slowly, dragging it out to pique interest, "you try and seduce Chris."

"Excuse me?" Ryan says.

"Odds are you try and get Chris to have sex with you. If he agrees to, then - surprise! - he's gay." He looks at Ryan with frightening seriousness. "If you're so confident that he'll say no, it shouldn't be an issue."

Ryan stares at him for what feels like several minutes. Finally, he says, "Seventy."

They chant the countdown in unison and then, at the same time, shout "sixty-nine."

"I fucking hate you," Ryan says, getting out of the car.

"Just don't do it in the living room."

 

\---

 

Ryan forgets about the bet until the next evening, when he’s about to leave to pick Chris up for a date. He isn’t wearing anything too fancy, just black pants and a modest gray button-up. He ventures into the living room and stands between the television and Matt, silently asking how he looks.

Matt looks him up and down. “Really?” he asks with a lopsided smile.

“Yes, really.” He drops his arms to his sides. “Don’t act like you never try and look nice when you go out with friends.”

Matt rolls his eyes but humors him anyway. “You look very handsome. You’ll have Chris begging to suck your dick in no time.”

Ryan’s eyes go wide as he remembers that aspect of the night before. “Oh. Right.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Wish we had put money on this, ‘cause I know that’s not happening.” He grabs his keys off the hook and makes his way to the door.

“Sure, whatever.” Matt flips to a new channel, feigning disinterest in Ryan’s predicament. “Just text me later on if you’re bringing him home so I can put in some earplugs.”

“I’m already out the door.”

“You know, ‘cause of all the sex you’re gonna have.”

“Goodbye, Matt.”

 ----

Ryan makes his way to Chris’s apartment and arrives without further incident, and _definitely_ without overthinking the things Matt was saying. _”If you’re so confident…”_

The problem is, he isn’t so confident that it won’t be an issue. He’s sure Chris doesn’t feel any sexual attraction toward him, of course, and knowing him, a confession certainly wouldn’t end their friendship. But Ryan fears that that extra step would make him feel guilty and lighten up on the affection. He’d never admit it, not even to Matt, but he’s grown somewhat dependent on Chris’s subtle physical touches throughout the day - holding his hand while leading him somewhere, sitting with his legs in Ryan’s lap as they eat lunch together, and cuddling on the couch while Chris takes one of his infamous office naps.

But he's got a bet to win, and he's nothing without his sacrificial apathy. He rings in to Chris's apartment from the lobby, and the other man quickly and excitedly answers over the speaker.

"Hey man, come up here real quick, alright?"

Ryan is surprised; he usually just comes down when they're going out. He presses the speaker button in and gives an "okay" before getting into the elevator.

He's starting to sweat now. Fuck Matt for this bet. He’s never been nervous about this before. Doing otherwise-romantic things with Chris has just felt natural, like there isn’t another way to go about it.

The door is propped open when he gets there and he lets himself in. Chris looks up from his couch, where he’s surrounded by photo albums and has a book open in his lap. His hair looks brushed, but the adorable cowlick in the front remains untamed. He’s dressed a little nicer than Ryan is, with a tie. He has a huge grin on his face that only grows when he sees his friend enter.

“Hey!” he calls, beckoning Ryan to come sit next to him. He moves the book that was there onto the table in front of them. Ryan sits and catches sight of the cover, baby blue with white text saying “CHRISTOPHER 90-95.”

“Are these your baby pictures?” Ryan asks, giggling, reaching for it. Chris smacks his hand away, laughing.

“Yeah. My mom mailed a bunch of these to me.” He props the book - a yearbook - up in his lap to show Ryan the page it’s open to. “Check this one out. This is my last photo from secondary school. Look at my fat ass.”

“Oh my god, eighteen-year-old Chris is adorable.”

“Hah! Adorable, right.” He visibly rolls his eyes, but Ryan notices the faint blush dusting his cheeks.

“Really! I’d kiss you then, too.” It's his first attempt at honest flirting with him. He can't tell if it's successful, as the other man's expression remains unchanged. He presses, "I bet you had a lot of girlfriends back then.”

“D’aww.” Chris grins. “No. Girls didn’t like me much. I was an ugly li’l weirdo.” He closes the yearbook and stands, extending his hand to help Ryan to his feet. “Ready to go to dinner?”

 _Plenty of opportunities there,_ he thinks. "Yeah, let’s go.”

—

The restaurant is surprisingly fancy. It was Chris’s idea, an Italian place Ryan had never heard of. When the host asks how many, Chris smiles and says “O’Neill, for two.” The host nods and leads them to a table, setting menus down.

“You made a reservation?” Ryan asks quietly once they’re seated. Now that Matt’s pointed out how… gay a lot of things they do are, he’s hyperaware of everything; overanalyzing, overanalyzing.

“Yeah, I wanted to make sure we’d get in,” Chris says, looking around. “It’s not too busy. I probably didn’t have to.”

Ryan smiles and flips through the menu. The candle on the table between them flickers. When he glances up, he wishes he had his good camera on him; the sight of Chris, looking cuter than usual and not paying attention, face illuminated by the warm light of the candle… it’s a view he wants to preserve forever. He doesn’t look away when Chris meets his eyes, and they give each other a gentle smile.

The waiter comes around and they both order red wine and their dinners. Chris seems very excited for the lasagna. They talk about work, about Chris’s next cartoon and a live action skit Ryan’s almost finished writing.

“You’re hilarious,” Chris says. “I can’t wait to see that, that sounds so good.” Ryan’s chest blooms with warmth at the praise. He averts his gaze and tries to hide his reddening face in his hand.

The waiter brings their food and Chris is distracted by it immediately, giving Ryan a chance to peek at his phone. Texts from Matt appear at the top.

Matty boy (6:22 pm)  
_Hey, I'm gonna stay at Julian's tonight. Just letting you know._

Matty boy (6:23 pm)  
_So you can fuck Chris at our place, just remember to go in your room. Lol_

He types back a reply quickly.

Me (6:56 pm)  
_Fuck off dude. You suck._

Matty boy (6:57 pm)  
_Love you. See you tomorrow!_

Attached is a photo. It's of Matt grinning, seated between Julian and DD, the two older boys making gross faces. Ryan snickers at it and shows Chris, who cracks up, too.

"What a bunch of weirdos," he says adoringly, cutting into his lasagna carefully. Steam billows out from the slit. "I'm glad Julian and Matt finally got together." 

Ryan nods, shaking cheese over his pasta. "It was almost painful watching them flirt with each other for as long as they did."

"I wonder if they think that way about us."

Ryan freezes. The candle flickers dangerously between them. "What?" he asks.

"Well, we're different, of course." Chris quickly corrects himself. "But the buildup was similar to us, wasn't it? Like, they went on dates and held hands but wouldn't say anything non-jokingly."

Ryan had, honestly, never noticed that. How their situations are perfect parallels, he and Chris merely trailing a few weeks behind. Maybe that's why Matt was so insistent on him sealing the deal; because he was in his shoes and only recently made the next step. Ryan stares at the spaghetti in front of him, suddenly a little queasy.

When he looks back up, Chris has a frown on his face. "Sorry," he says, "I shouldn't have... I just thought it was interesting."

"Don't be sorry!" Ryan says, embarrassed. He didn't mean to upset him. "Do you, um." _Just say it, idiot._ "Do you wanna come back to my place after?"

Chris's face prominently displays his relief as it splits into a smile again. "Yeah man, I'd love that."

They eat in comfortable near-silence, and when the waiter places the check face-down on the table, Chris immediately snags it before Ryan can even lift his hand. He tries to argue, but Chris just winks and tucks his card into the folder.

\---

"You didn't need to cover all of it," Ryan says later, at the apartment. Chris lays upside down on the couch, clearly a little tipsy. He laughs beautifully, like a song.

"You only had spaghetti and that one _cabernet,_ " Chris says, emphasizing the fanciness of the drink's name. "I had like, three glasses."

"It's wine," Ryan says. "I don't know how you're such a lightweight."

"I'm a big boy," Chris says, that lovely laugh ringing again. Ryan grins and swings himself to lay in the same position as him, both hanging off the front of the couch. He stares into the hooded blue-gray eyes that are now inches from his face. "Hey."

"Hey. You know, you look really handsome today."

"Aw," Chris's eyes flick up briefly (Ryan swears it's to his lips) but come back down to his eyes. "Thanks, cutie. You look really nice, too."

Ryan's insides are screaming and he feels lightheaded (be it from nerves or from his position), but he knows he has to push further than that. He sits back up and Chris follows suit with a quiet "whee." When he settles, his light hair stays fluffed up and his face is lightly flushed. It's one of the most enticing sights Ryan has ever seen.

"I wanna try something," he says. He waits only for Chris to nod and then he kisses him. It takes a second but Chris leans into it, his eyelashes fluttering shut against Ryan's cheek. Ryan's aware that they're passing the longest length of time they've done this for, knows that it's only zooming further and further out of the heterosexual zone, at a mile a minute. But it doesn't bother him, and if Chris's traveling hands are anything to go by, it's not bothering him either. Ryan's spurred on by it and he pulls his right leg up and straddles his friend. When their lips part for air, Chris's hands have settled on Ryan's torso, thumbs rubbing small circles into his hips.

"Whoa," Chris says, eyes blown wide.

Ryan huffs out a breath. "Chris, are you gay?"

"What? No." His eyes dart down at his erection for a moment, as if considering it. "I'm- I'm bisexual, though?"

Ryan stares. "You're bisexual?"

"Yeah." He starts to pull his hands away, but Ryan places his own over them, holding them in place.

"Why didn't you tell me that?" he asks. Chris shrugs.

"You, uh, never asked?" he says sheepishly. "I dunno. I didn't want things to change. I thought you wouldn't wanna kiss or let me sleep on you and shit anymore."

"Chris. That's fucking ridiculous." He maneuvers their hands to interlock their fingers together. "Also, I think I might be gay."

"You think so?"

"But like, for you specifically?"

"Well, that makes me feel special." Chris pulls Ryan in closer and they kiss again, gentle and giggly, both filled with a new energy.

The next day, Ryan proudly announces that he won because Chris is _bisexual,_ not gay. He pretends not to hear Matt scream in frustration later.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u to everyone in the discord for enabling me


End file.
